Bangkok Speed Run

Jake and I arrived in Bangkok the night of November 1st with Jake scheduled to leave the morning of the 3rd, giving us approximately 36 hours to explore the city together. We immediately immersed ourselves in the local culture by eating Whoppers at the airport Burger King. In addition to being our first food in Bangkok this was also the first solid food I had eaten in around two days. Road to recovery.

That night we set out to wander the Khao San Road area. For those unfamiliar (as I was), Khao San Road is apparently the Mecca for slightly trashy Western tourists visiting Southeast Asia. The upside was that there was ample street food.

They charge you to take photos of these absurd cooked bugs on display. I'm convinced that this is the sole revenue source for these stalls. No one is actually eating this BS I never once saw someone eating anything close to this.

After some food we found ourselves watching $5 standup by a couple middle aged American men in a dimly lit Bangkok basement. It was about as good as you would expect from $5 standup by a couple middle aged American men in a dimly lit Bangkok basement.

Another perk of Bangkok's rampant trashy tourism is that they have ample "Special Pussy Shows" offered every single night of the week. Saudi Arabia's Vision 2030 committee should look into this.

Jake and I decided this was not our cup of tea.

The next day we started our Bangkok speed run by watching the Dodgers win World Series game 7 in an electric 11 inning game.

We started with a breakfast of steamed buns.

And of course some McDonald's including the legendary McSpicy.

We then waged a 30 minute war with various tuk tuk drivers trying to get anywhere near a reasonable price to go anywhere other than their predetermined 12 tourist spots. We eventually gave up and hailed a legitimate taxi. Until he pulled over and demanded more money while also brandishing the same 12 tourist spot placard as the tuk tuk drivers. We paid him 60 cents and got out at this temple.

We were approached by a man offering a scenic boat tour of Bangkok in a traditional long boat. We expertly negotiated our way down to a third of the original price and proudly walked into the worst tour of the entire trip.

The boat was in fact much larger and less traditional than what we had in mind. It was also packed with tourists (who had indeed paid three times as much as we had). 

Also as a side note as we got onto our cursed boat we saw this thing swimming around in the water. Genuinely three feet long. Wtf is going on in Bangkok ...

We took in the beautiful scenery ...

We went past this bastion of finance rivaled only by the Lahore Stock Exchange.

To be fair there were some charming and cool views as well.

Just when the tour and scenery was starting to grow on us the driver stopped the boat and dropped these thick tarps over both sides. Jake tried to take a peek back out into the world.

Our driver did not appreciate this disobedience. It was like we were on a floating sensory deprivation school bus. That we paid to be on.

Speaking of this driver - despite the 2+ hours of boat time (much of which was spent stationary) he enforced a strict rule of 20 minutes at each of our two stops. Twenty minutes may sound like a lot, but for food seeking wandering photography pros like ourselves this was not the leisurely pace we were used to. So both times we raced around, speed walking to make sure we didn't miss the boat. And both times the aforementioned driver showed up 10-15 minutes late, leaving us spending almost as much time waiting at the pier as exploring the sites.

We did see this cool "floating market" as our first stop:

Post-market we saw the Wat Molilokkayaramratchaworawihan from afar (notable only for the name).

Our second stop was this enormous sitting Buddha.

The neighboring temple had this psychedelic - esque interior.

Then we sat in this lock for about fifteen to twenty minutes as it slowly filled with water.

Over three hours after we boarded, we were finally free. We were dropped off at this probably super cool temple but we were hungry and temple'd out and it cost like $10 to enter. So we passed.

Instead of visiting what we later learned is one of the "top landmarks in Bangkok" we decided to explore a different side of the city: the malls. Jake suggested we go to the Icon Siam mall first.

We found this guy to drive us there. He reminded me of Yoda the way he was just cackling and whipping around with such glee and clownery. Good vibes from him. Maybe it's because he knew we were in for the greatest mall experience of our lives.

On the walk over Jake tried lychee for the first time.

Then we got to the Icon Siam mall. I don't know where Jake heard of this place but oh my God. This is one of the greatest places on planet earth.

Just look at how beautiful it is.

I was literally worshipping this mall it brought tears to my eyes with its modern beauty.

They even have their own art gallery in this mall.

And an entire indoor street food market.

We started off with the singular best bite of sushi I have ever had in my life.

Then we swung by % Arabica - the Apple Store of coffee shops. Their coffee soft serve is potentially the best soft serve I have ever had (rivaled only by Mac's Maple @ Hanover readers).

Then we went for some Michelin Guide Peking Duck and roast pork.

They offered free dessert for a Google review which obviously Jake and I both did to eat two dessert options.

Then we went straight into some Michelin Guide ramen. This was even better than the duck. Flavorbomb.

We took a break from our food consumption to do some material consumption. Jake bought a new pair of AirPods from the Apple Store and I played around with the electronics while he made his purchase.

Then we went to our final Michelin Guide stop - this tea-covered shaved ice dessert spot.

When all was said and done we spent over five hours at the Icon Siam mall.

After a brief digestion break back at the AirBnB we decided to go out on the town to the club. Literally it was called The Club.

We danced the night away for about an hour.

Jake grabbed some more street food.

The next morning we woke up bright and early. Jake packed up and I escorted him out in my pajamas. It felt surreal to be saying goodbye to my travel buddy.

And just like that he was whisked away by a taxi off on his journey to London. This is where our paths diverge. Jake is off to London and then home before starting work in New York in December. I will continue onwards, solo for a while before meeting up with various companions through late January. I'll save most of my words for Jake's farewell post but he was an extraordinary travel companion. Through thick and thin he approached our travels with such vibrant curiosity, wonder, and humor. He will be dearly missed, but I am so thankful he joined me for this journey.

Also stay tuned for Jake's London blog post. As always, big things coming.

From the vault:

This lady stopped me on the street and said I look like Michael Jackson.

This phonetically spelled omelet.

And these "Los Angeless" discount hats.